No Regrets
by Leaf900
Summary: My version of the Soeulmates story. Nice girl Ga eul doesn't want to have any more regrets in her already messed up life, least of all losing her soulmate. Yi Jeong has too many. Better than it sounds, I hope! Please Read and Review!
1. Ga Eul yang

No Regrets

**Chapter One – Ga eul-yang**

_Hello :D Pleased to meet you. I hope you like my story! My name is Leaf and this is the first story I have written for many years online, so please be nice :D (By leaving me lots and lots of reviews, constructive criticism is always desired)_

_Umm... This story will repeat quite a lot of the drama as it was primarly written for my friends who have not seen it so..._

_But there will be a lot of additional stories as well!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Boys Over Flowers... yet, I will however on day write an American version which has my beloved Kim Bum in and will become amazingly popular :D But this has tragically not happened yet..._

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Before you read this I want you to know that I have never and probably never will be a 'normal' girl. I'm not entirely sure I would want to be anyway.

"Jandi-ah, do you know what your nickname is?" I asked amused looking up from the Laptop for a second. "You've been called 'Wonder Girl', the true Wonder Woman of our Generation!" I exclaim trying to suppress my laughter. "Geum Jandi, Fighting!"

My best (and only friend) in the entire world Jandi snorted. "Stop it already!" She yelled annoyed. I failed and burst out laughed. It really was easy to wind up Jandi-ah, not that I did it on purpose of course.

"You're awesome!" Our beloved weird Boss added in amazement, although admittedly not much was required to impress him.

"But I'm curious about the F4…" I ask before I can stop myself. "Are they really all that good looking?" I curse slightly (but not that much) embarrassed. That's right Ga eul. Get to the really important questions first

Jandi ignored me. I don't blame her but I'm not prepared to give up now. Besides, I was actually curious. I sigh, thickly laying on the dramatics.

"I wish I could see them up close…" I added in a pathetically day-dreamy like fashion. Is my life really that deprived of hot guys? Yes… however my life is deprived of guys in general though so that's not much of a surprise.

This is also, of course, why I am so obsessed with romantic films though. Hot guys with such sweet and cute plots. My friend (although it is a plural now so hooray for me. I found more people who can put up with me) thinks I need to go into rehab for them. Romances Anonymous. She's probably right…

"F4? Flower four, my foot. They seem more like flies! Four flies!" Jandi retorted bitterly. I burst out laughing at my friends ridiculous antics.

Our conversation was however rudely interrupted when the Paparazzi came to harass Jandi-ah, something she was definitely not prepared for. I mean, I've always known she is awesome and brilliant but having people follow her all day was totally not her style. She would get very freaked out by all the attention. She froze. I felt sorry for her; I really did, and for once in my life would not have wanted to switch places.

Wow, I've managed to make myself seem almost normal so far. I seem like any other normal high school girl don't I?

I've given a totally inaccurate account of my messed up self.

See, I knew I shouldn't have written this. This was a stupid idea. Jandi-ah you should never have talked me into this! I know you say this whole crazy scheme was only to help me (somehow turned into us) to get over our recent mess up but I know it was secretly because you knew I would never lie about what happened in a story (only about my sanity) and you wanted to know if you needed to murder Yi Jeong-sunbae for me.

Ah… about that… I will have to inform him to get bodyguards (although I'm not sure even Won Bin's people could save him from Jandi's wrath).

Actually… I wonder if a person can get killed twice. In fact, thinking about it, maybe more…

I really am going to put his life in danger.

Sorry Yi Jeong-sunbae.

Ah well, anyway… must try harder on the accuracy thing.

"What!" I gasped in a state of absolute shock. "You've been given a scholarship to Shinhwa High School?"

"Yeah…" Jandi murmured. Jandi-ah had called me up saying there was an emergency. I rushed over immediately but I was most definitely not prepared for something like this. I did feel a flash of jealousy of course. Jandi was escaping the local hellhole that is sometimes termed a 'school'. Not only that, but to a posh one. Filled with nice, kind, well brought up civilised people… (Umm, maybe not). I don't begrudge her this opportunity of escape. She deserves it; she had always been the courageous one.

"That's amazing Jandi-ah! I'm really happy for you!" I smiled cheerfully. Jandi looked up uncertainly at me. I sigh. She had always been able to see through me. Well, not that much, but better then most people.

'I don't want to go but I suspect my parents are going to force me. I know I can cope…" She was right. She would definitely be able to. "But what about you?' Jandi asked fidgeting slightly and not totally looking me in the eye. It's almost comic. Was she really that embarrassed to bring up my oh-so-obvious flaws?

I blink with exaggerated bewilderment. I may not be the best actress in the world but I have had a lot of practice so I must at least be OK. "What about me?" I asked feigning innocence. I of course know exactly what Jandi is asking. I just don't like the answer very much.

Jandi sighed impatiently. "Ga eul-ya… don't fake ignorance. We've been friends since Kindergarten. Are you really going to be OK on your own?"

I give a rather sarcastic smile. I can answer this question. "I'll be fine. Promise. I mean, I've dealt with much worse then some of our stupid classmates."

I will be OK. I have to be. If I'm not then I doubt there will be much of a 'me' to not be ok.

I pause as I look up at the 'School'. I take deep breaths and grasp on to the straps of my backpack in a childish attempt to gain emotional support. Breath Ga eul breath, I remind myself. My hand reaches to my pocket and hovers on its contents. I pause. My brain gives me plenty of logical reasons for not doing what I am most likely about to do. My hand falls stiffly by my side. Good Ga eul good. My self control astounds me.

Unsurprisingly it doesn't last long. Addiction wins over self control, logic and courage. I grab my water bottle, swallow a pill, take a swig and start feeling better.

I send a mental 'Fighting Geum Jandi!' to my friend in the vague hope it might bring her luck. I sigh, she really needs to get a mobile.

I debate about procrastinating some more but decide it isn't really worth it. It is certain doom even if the doom comes five minutes later.

As per normal I skip Homeroom. My teachers have gotten use to it by now and just let me sign in using the late book even though I am rarely ever late. I wonder what they are talking about. Geum Jandi the Wonder Woman I suppose. Even more of a reason for me to ditch, I prefer to be invisible.

I do turn up for first period art though. This is my favourite subject. My teacher (who is admittedly awful) has realised there is no point trying to teach me anything so just lets me do my own thing. I am extremely grateful for this. And yes, that is the reason why it is my favourite lesson. Pathetic, I know.

The lesson starts as per usual with the contents of my pencil case being thrown around the room. Jandi never joined this Art class you see. I was always on my own. And on my own I always do nothing.

"Hey freak." Someone calls for me. Mi-ah, I realise. She is –was- Jandi's 'arch nemesis' at this school. Mi-ah (and her friends) would bully some poor pathetic kids and Jandi (with me doing absolutely nothing) would fight against her. They hated each other since the first day of high school. This meant Mi-ah hated me. I didn't really care one way or the other. It was just another thing. "Your weird friend isn't here any more."

"I've heard." I reply not looking up from the sketch I was in the middle of drawing.

"Heard she got accepted into that spoilt brat's school. Maybe she thinks she's too good for us?"

She is, I think. Definitely. I continue my sketch. I think she gets bored as Mi-ah changes subject.

"Still doing your stupid pathetic drawings?"

"Yes." I reply this time. "I apologise if you don't like them. I will try harder next time to create one you like."

Mi-ah seems speechless as I give my by now predictable response and looks away disgusted (a sensible response I believe). I would've laughed, that is if I hadn't been so focused on my sketch of course.

"Don't you have a boyfriend yet?" There's a pause. "Oh, I forgot who I'm talking too. No guy would ever date a freak like you." There's a pause. Most of the class is silent now, listening to this weekly ritual. The teacher is of course doing paperwork at her table and ignoring everything. I wonder if she would even notice if a fire was started. No comes the probably answer. "Oh sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Are you gonna go and try and commit suicide again now?" She waits triumphantly for my response, hoping, praying, that she has finally pushed me over the line. I finish the line on the sketch I was doing before I respond.

"Thank you for your concern, I'm touched that you care so much about me. I really would feel sorry for any guy that had to date me. How humiliating for them. And about suicide, I'll try not to just for you." I pause for a minute. "Does anyone know where my ruler went?"

I think she gives up by this point. Mi-ah obviously isn't too concerned with me today or it would've been a lot worse. I assume the news about Jandi is more important. I sigh and go back to my sketch. The rest of the day wouldn't be good.

I happened to be right.

My hand hesitates on the handle. I could hear my parents (as always) arguing inside. It was a Friday so my Dad was back (he worked during the week). I wonder vaguely if the argument was about me and my strange behavior again. I laugh, they don't even know half of it. Home, a place of refuge, of safety and of tranquility. Yeah right. I bit my lip, smiled and opened the door.

"I'm back!' I call, slipping off my shoes and switching to slippers. "Mum? Dad?"

"Dear? Is that you?" My Mum hurries out and smiled when she saw me. "You're late. Where were you? We were worried" She reprimanded.

"I wasn't feeling very well and I felt like some fresh air after work so I went for a walk. Sorry." I explained, well… it wasn't a complete lie.

"You should have called us. I was getting very worried. I was just about to call you." Mum put her shoes on and gave me a quick hug. "Sorry I have to go to work now."

I smile. "That's OK. I'm seventeen. I can look after myself!"

But Mum had already left without hearing what I had said.

I was feeling worse then normal a few days later when at the Porridge shop Jandi made an announcement. That, after everyone looking down at her in the crazy rich person's school she now went to; she had actually found a friend.

"I'm glad you've made a friend." I informed her, I was genuinely happy for her. "I was worried people would pick on you."

Jandi burst out laughing and I joined in. It continued in an awkward way for a bit then Jandi froze and looks at me with what I can only describe as dead eyes. "They do."

"What?" I ask slightly confused at Jandi's sudden mood switch.

"Pick on me." She replies. "But actually, I'm glad they don't want to talk to me. I hope I can lead a quiet life until I graduate."

I stare at her in disbelief. What had happened to the Jandi I knew? The one who did everything she could to protect her friends. The one who couldn't cope with seeing people get bullied.

"Who are you and what have you done to Geum Jandi?" I ask her shocked. Jandi blinked and had a puzzled expression. "Remember how you helped me when I was in trouble? And how you fought against that gang in junior high? You were all about Justice, but now what?"

Jandi thought for a minute. "What other choice do I have? If I did what I wanted my Mum would probably kill me."

Time eventually passed as I always figured it would (minus the gatecrashed holiday of course). I was still faking happiness and living on pills. I was worse at school and skipped lessons (ie, stayed at the nurse's office for a bit as I was 'ill') sometimes when I felt particularly bad. I mean, I've always tried to be a good kid. Really, I'm just not very good at it. I try to get good grades and have never got a detention.

I spoke to no one at my school. The only real friend I'd ever had was Jandi. Now that she left all her other sorta friends stopped talking to me. This was fine with me though.

Home became worse and worse. Both my parents worked a lot so mostly I had the house to myself but when they did come back they automatically started arguing. I hated it. Most of the time I would curl up in a ball on my bed and think of the latest romantic comedy I was going to watch when I was free and safe and alone.

My Mum was becoming more worried about me and demanded that I regularly text her to tell her I was still alive and OK. I didn't really care as the only places I went was home, school and work. It was annoying though as I used up so much more credit.

Work was my only escape. I enjoyed it and laughed at Jandi's stories of the ridiculousness of the students at her school and of course (the extremely good looking) F4. It was always possible to pretend to be happy and normal in front of Jandi. She made it easy. I think she was happy to see me coping so well without her. She's seen me when I was at my worst and knew that I would never be able to fake saneness so well if I was like I was then.

Because you see, I've been trying really hard recently to get better. My counselor (who is admittedly no help but at least she's a nice person and I always enjoy my sessions. The tea is nice too.) says I have made tremendous progress since I started seeing her.

But what was most interesting to me was that Jandi seemed to almost be becoming friends with the F4. I could also tell she had a crush on the 'fairytale prince' Ji Hoo who admittedly I would have loved to meet (I still wasn't convinced anyone could look that good without surgery). Although she never mentioned it I could also pick up from her stories that Gu Jun pyo (the leader of the F4) seemed to like her (in his own way).

It was on this particular note that I received a surprise visit one day at the Porridge Shop.

Work had started normally enough.

"Ga eul-ya, are you going somewhere?" My Boss had asked me pleadingly. He really was a bit pathetic sometimes. I felt almost sorry for him.

"I'm not going anywhere!" I protested. Our Boss treated us well and we got good wages but he could be very insecure and immature. I sighed and looked out the window. "Not because I don't want to go but there's nowhere for me to go."

"Don't leave me here all by myself." He begged. Now although neither me or Jandi believed it (except when we were in desperate need of guidance which was actually pretty regularly) our crazy Boss consider himself physic, generally Aliens were very willing to share their information with him and who would doubt the knowledge of extraterrestrial beings? I suspect he'd had a feeling that he was going to be left all alone.

"What are you talking about?" I muttered at our crazy boss. "Go make some Porridge!" I yelled and shoved him into the kitchen.

But then I heard the door open. Little did I know this would be a turning point in my life. As I look up I see a tall extremely good looking guy of around my age. And when I say good looking I mean could be a mega successful actor good looking. Embarrassingly I did stare at him a bit longer then I should have but… anyway, I'm only human.

I knew who he was. Due to Jandi's current predicament I had done a bit of research on the F4 (I would say it had nothing to do with them being hot but I did tell myself I wouldn't lie so…) and I could identify him from that and of course Jandi's stories as So Yi Jeong. He is a famous potter from a very wealthy artistic family who own an incredibly successful national museum. But what he was most famous for was being an unrepentant cold hearted Casanova. A playboy. The type of guys I really hate the most.

But even I have to admit he was hot. Really hot.

His eyes flick around the shop taking in the (not very glamorous) surroundings.

"Doesn't Jandi work here?" He asked in an almost uninterested way after he noticed me. Wait, noticed me? No one ever notices me. My brain goes into shock at being noticed… by a guy… a hot guy at that. Or it would have if it hadn't still only been focusing on the hot guy bit. My brain only just manages to form coherent sentences. "Ah, yes."

"I don't see her."

"She has the day off." I reply, admittedly still staring at him, possibly the only person to ever notice me, ever. He turns to me again and smiles. My heart starts beating ridiculously fast which is ridiculous and probably only because I've watched and read too many over the top romantic movies and chick lit. My brain was probably telling my heartbeat to speed up so I could delude myself that I was going to be chucked head first into one of my romances which might give me a slightly better grasp on my sanity and therefore cause me not to do anything stupid and suicidal. Who thought my body had such an advantaged self preservation instinct, especially after what I've already done to it.

"Are you Jandi's friend?" I just nod. "For how long?" If my brain had been properly functioning I would have realised the superficial charm he was now laying on, so typical of Sunbae to lay it on thick to any girl he happens to find. It's cruel really.

But it wasn't and I was a (trying to be) normal teenage girl, albeit one who had never had a boyfriend before. Or even talked to boys that much…

Although I think I secretly realized that this was all superficial. All the films remember?

"Since Kindergarten…" I inform him proudly. I can't believe I'd keep such a good friend for so long without scaring her off or being too boring and freakish.

"So you're her best friend?" I nodded happily that he understood the gibberish coming out of my mouth. He smiled at me and took my hand.

"Let's go."

"Eh?" I asked confused. "To where?"

He just smiled though and led me away.

I guess our Boss was right after all. He was left all alone after all.

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_Ga Eul: Umm... just out of interest, why have you made me so weird? _

_Author: ^embarrassed^ Ah... Actually I absolutely no idea. Sorry._

_Anyway... hope you like it! Please reveiw!_


	2. Yi Jeong sunbae

**No Regrets **

**Chapter Two - Yi Jeong-sunbae**

_Hello everyone. It's me again. I'm really sorry (to my two readers, lol) that I haven't updated for so long but life has been a bitch._

_My Mum just got diagnosed with cancer (for the third time) so I mostly had to look after her this summer. No writing ^cries^._

_We were also moving house which is chaos at the best of times. _

_But mostly I have been fairly mental recently and haven't been able to write. So sorry :( _

_I would promise to write more but school is coming again I have decided to actually try this year as it is my last so I probably won't be updating for a while._

_Oh and I've redone Chapter One so I'm afraid you might have to reread it.  
_

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**Woo Bin said I should do this. He'd heard Ga eul-yang was trying this and thought it might be good for me as well. I had nothing better to do so I agreed. Thought it might make a good distraction for me.

But didn't agree to let anyone read this. I'm not entirely sure I want anyone to know the real me yet.

So basically this means if you're reading this and your name isn't So Yi Jeong (ie, you're not me) then I'm afraid some of Woo Bin's people are after you and I don't expect you will be alive much longer.

I would apologise but it's your own fault really. Don't touch my stuff.

The fog had come again. It came as it always eventually did and completely erased me. So I wasn't 'me' any more. Not that I particularly minded. I didn't much like 'me'. 'Me' hasn't been right for the past several years. 'Me' wasn't good. Neither was I.

"Yo, wanna go out tonight?" Woo Bin asked looking up from the pool table. "We have a new club opening. Good DJ and a lotta' hot chicks."

Ah… Woo Bin. My best friend. Almost as bad as me on the womanising front (only one person was worse then me and yet that fact was actually depressing rather than uplifting) yet somehow manages to keep sane and is an actually nice guy. Well… mostly. Of course you don't want to get on his bad side.

"Sounds fun." I reply with a smile. Smiles are good. They make everyone think you are sane and normal. I use them a lot.

So once again I somehow find myself in a club. Soon I realise I have drunken far too much again and I eventually lose control of my mind again and forget absolutely everything again. And when I regain consciousness I see myself in a hotel room with a naked girl lying next to me sound asleep. I sigh, I'm getting worse. Must be old age, at eighteen. How pathetic.

I get up and drag myself to school after chucking the half asleep girl out. I stare out the car window and watch the world pass by. All those pathetic normal people doing pathetic normal everyday tasks and worrying about their pathetic normal everyday concerns. Once again I realise how much I hate the world. I want to curl up somewhere and die. I don't want to have to continue with this tragedy cooked up by some stupid third rate writer with nothing better to do then torture their twisted characters.

Ice cream. That was when it started. I wasn't really paying attention yet somehow this is the event that caused everything. All the tears and the pain. The heartbreak, lots of heartbreak. I wasn't even the cause of most of it but I will own up to creating more than my fair share. We had been parading around school as per normal when commoner girl, Guem Jandi, had leapt up and shoved ice cream in Jun pyo's face. I started paying attention then. Everyone had. He had deserved it of course. I had however never thought much would come from it though. I thought Jandi would break just as easily as all the others had.

"Yo, Yi Jeong…" Woo Bin calls at me concerned as I hold my head in my hands not paying any attention to the teacher lecturing away in Spanish. "You OK? You seem a bit down."

"I'm fine." Flash a smile. Good, that's right you're just a nice normal person. Doesn't that feel just great? "Just got a bit of a headache. Nothing to worry about. What about you? Good night?"

He shrugs. "So so. I've seen better. You picked up the best girl of the night though."

"Oh, really? I didn't notice." Congratulations 'truth'… your day has finally come.

Woo Bin laughs. Then the Spanish teacher asks us politely to pay attention if we so desire. Yes, money can even make teachers nice.

"Of course, Señor." I reply with a smile.

"What's wrong with Jun-pyo?" I ask Woo Bin.

"I think he's in shock." Woo Bin replies turning away from the girl next to him for a bit. "He's been like that for hours. Quite funny really."

I smile and disentangling myself from the girl next to me. I leave to go and talk to him. Jun-pyo's in a destructive mood. You can tell by the fact that he's been slamming darts into the dartboard all afternoon. He's annoyed at being humiliated by that dry cleaning girl. Woo Bin's right, it is quite amusing really.

"What are you doing? You look so serious." I ask him as I put a 'comforting' hand on his shoulder.

"Ah, let go of me." He complains and shrugs my hand off. "Can't you see I'm about to explode? I'm thinking of a good way to take Jandi down." Another dart thunders into the board and shakes menacingly. This time I smile for real.

"What is there to think about? Just do the usual?" I reply carelessly. He stares at me for a minute then bursts into a grin. He grabs me in an arm lock and messes up my hair.

"Hey!" I protest.

"You're really smart." He announces happily. Yes, my dear insane friend Gu Jun-pyo really is an idiot.

I get a phonecall. However this time I decide to answer it, knowing if I don't they will just keep ringing and ringing and, rich as I am, I haven't yet got a cell phone with unlimited battery life. I mean, Woo Bin might call with something actually important and useful… like a club opening with hot girls.

"Yi Jeong here." I reply trying to be as abrupt and distant as I can be. I succeed spectacularly.

"Sir, I'm sorry. I have bad news… your Mother has…" The voice almost trembles with concern and could that be… pity? I almost, but not quite, laugh.

"Tried to kill herself again?" I finish unable to take the pity of the doctor. He's a new one. I haven't heard his voice before. Had my Mother refused to cooperate again to receive a new doctor? Had her paranoia again lead her to believe that Father had instructed her doctor to secretly try and kill her? Admittedly that wasn't an entirely unrealistic proposition, as they say just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you. Or maybe the previous one had simply had enough of the stress and had a nervous breakdown (also not unrealistic given it has already happened several times). That explains why we have this idiot now. He doesn't have a clue.

"Yes. I'm terribly sorry. We tried to call yesterday but your phone wasn't answering." He states apologetically.

"I was busy." I reply unemotionally and once again resort to lies. I like lies, every time I use one it feels like meeting an old friend, naturally one who doesn't want to lecture you on how much you are messing up your life. Those are rare true friends.

"Of course. Once again I must say how truly sorry I am and what a hard time this must be for you and your family."

This time I laugh for real. "You really don't know anything about my family do you? I will briefly explain things as you seem new. I haven't talked to my Mother in over three years. I suppose you can interpret that as I don't care. Most people do. My Father is, as always, unconcerned with my Mother's welfare and is currently on a holiday. He won't be returning for another month at least. My Brother… well I can't tell you if he cares or not. He probably doesn't actually know. So please don't try and fake sympathy in the hope that maybe someone will tell your boss how thoughtful and understanding you were and therefore you might get paid more or get a promotion. Aren't you being paid enough to keep your mouth shut?" There's a pause and I can almost hear the mental calculations going on in the Doctor's mind. How should he react…?

"Understood, Sir." He replies briefly.

"Good." I hang up.

I sink into the fog again. I can't see clearly and my brain stops working. I have no emergency 'stop' button anymore, no self preservation instinct… not that I ever really had one. Good, I smile, a genuine smile this time.

This time I don't call Woo Bin. He is likely to try and stop me. He never loses control of himself and doesn't drink too much unlike me. He tries to stop me when I lose myself too much. Granted he generally fails but he always tries. The only reason why he didn't stop me yesterday was he left early with a couple of girls. He'd probably been having a bad day too. I think he had recently broken up with his current 'girlfriend'. I could never understand his preference for older women. Granted, his 'relationships' never lasted long.

I wouldn't even class mine as relationships.

The next day at school Jun pyo is still annoyed about the commoner girl.

"She really is the first person to stand up to the F4 like this." I ponder out loud to Woo Bin, who agrees.

We watch as Jun pyo continues to torment her in his own childish way. Ducks in the swimming pool was admittedly quite entertaining. We watch as she fights against him, even giving him a spinning kicking in the face after rumours of her being pregnant and a slut are spread around the school.

Surprisingly the kick put him in a good mood. When Woo Bin asks what's up the reply we got was not one we would have guessed.

"Haven't you guys caught on yet?" Jun pyo replies intrigued. With supreme (misplaced) satisfaction he announces "That chick's totally into me."

I confess to having been totally confused by that. So was Woo Bin. How did he figure that out? Did the kick mess with his (already stupid) brain?

"Think about it. She didn't want the guy she likes to misunderstand, so she came herself to insist she was pure and innocent." He explains and suddenly I understand what he is thinking. I really have been around Jun pyo far to long if I can actually understand his thinking. Woo Bin's worked it out as well so maybe I don't have to be quite so worried.

"Following that logic …" I add hesitantly.

"… saying she hadn't had her first kiss…" Woo Bin continues.

"… is her way of saying she's waiting for her first kiss from me." Jun pyo finishes for us.

I can only clap out of sheer amazement. "Bravo. Impressive, Gu Jun-pyo. You're my friend, but that's really something."

He had managed to empress me with his idiocy today and I thought I knew him fairly well. He truly never ceases to amaze me.

Later when Jandi comes in to return Ji Hoo's shoes (who knows how she got them) I decided to stop her.

"Wait a minute." She looks up at me surprised. I smile. "Would you like some tea before you leave?"

During a cup of tea she tells us what happened.

"Is that really what you told Jun pyo?" Woo Bin asks impressed. She nods uncertainly.

"Wow. You're really something. No on has managed to piss him off that much before." I inform her.

She takes a gulp of tea, laughing slightly embarrassed. The conversation turns to Ji Hoo and Seohyun, whose coming back soon.

"There seems to be something you are curious about." I tell Jandi. "Just ask. As long as we know the answer we will tell you... in return."

"In return?"

"Thanks to you it has been fairly entertaining recently. Think of this as what we'll give in return."

"Umm... thanks, I think…" She responds hesitantly. I can tell she thinks I'm strange. That she doesn't understand me at all. I'm just a cold hearted Casanova to her. I don't dare disagree.

So as the weeks pass we watch as Jun pyo gatecrashes Jandi's 'Holiday' and how they have their first (sort of) kiss. We watch as Jun pyo starts chasing her more and more even if he doesn't admit it yet. I hear about her getting drunk and having to stay at Jun pyo's, a situation we then have to rescue her from before Jun pyo's (evil) mother finds out.

And through all of this I say very little. I do however feel unsettled about it though. He seems to be falling too deep. I not sure either of them will come out of this well. They will probably just end up getting ridiculously hurt and broken… like my mother. Shut up, I tell myself firmly. Thinking about that doesn't help you in any way.

When we say goodbye to Seohyun she proclaims loudly that I should open an exhibition in Paris and hugs me.

"Don't let the world inside of you get too dark, OK?" She whispers so only I can hear with a sad smile.

"What ever do you mean?" I reply confused. "We all have back up generators in case of power cuts so I don't think there will be a problem."

She rolls her eyes. "Just don't forget… No regrets?"

"No regrets." I reply.

She smiles sadly again and moves on, knowing that once again she has failed to make me understand and that I stubbornly refuse any advice. We both know and accept that nothing will ever change.

I go to a club again. I drink again. I forget again. I wake up with an unknown girl again. Send her away and never see her again, again.

Maybe I should stop simply because this is getting boring already and it's only been a couple of years.

I know I won't though.

When a little while later Jun Pyo announces to the world that Jandi is his girlfriend (despite her protest) I realise that something needs to be done.

"Jun pyo, are you serious?" I ask him. I'm playing chess with Woo Bin as we're meeting up at Jun pyo's mansion.

"About what?"

"I'm talking about Guem Jandi." I need to find out what his intentions are. If they are simply to string her along a bit then dump her that is cruel, but manageable and defiantly the simplest scenario to deal with. Unfortunately I know Jun pyo and I know he hasn't really thought of the consequences.

"If it's not for real, what else would it be?"

"Are you really gonna say that so easily knowing what 'real' means to us?" Woo Bin contributes.

"Freedom for us is only limited to dating. You haven't forgotten that it's our parents who make the final decision, right?" I remind him.

He laughs. "Was it only talk when you called yourself men? Was it all just show?"

"What's a real 'man' to you then?" I asked intrigued.

"A man takes responsibility from the beginning to the end." He states. Responsibility… hmm, haven't I spent most of my life running away from that?

"To the end?" Woo Bin doubles checks.

"Yeah. To the end." Jun pyo replies firmly.

I realise something more needs to be done.

I realise Jun pyo won't give up now which only leaves Jandi giving up.

So that's how I end up in some third rate Porridge Shop.

And that's how I meet Ga eul-yang.

I open the door and enter the dingy little café where Jandi the Wonder Woman works. But I don't see her there. There's a quite cute girl around my age who was half way through a greeting to me but is now staring at me.

"Doesn't Guem Jandi work here?" I ask deciding to go straight to the point.

"Ah... yes." She replied.

"I don't see her."

"She has the day off." The girl informs me. Ah… a change of plan is needed. I smile at the girl. It's almost embarrassing how impressed she seems with me. I feel sorry for her. A plan is a plan though.

"Are you Jandi's friend?" I ask increasing the charm. She nods. "Since when?"

"Since Kindergarten." She replies happily. Ah, the plan is working.

"So you're her best friend?" I ask. Got to make sure. She nods again.

"Let's go." I take her by the wrist and we go.

I take her to my workshop. I make some tea and politely invite her to sit down. She is looking curiously around the room and I can tell she is trying to work me out. Well, good luck with that.

But I dragged her here for a reason and I get started straight away.

"I'm saying that in this situation Guem Jandi could get hurt. So I'd like you to give her some good advice. As her best friend. Things like that are important to girls."

Maybe she's figured out why she's here but she seems less susceptible to my charms now.

"What advice?"

"Such as 'Don't even look at a tree you can't climb up'" I tell her. Amusingly she seems to be annoyed now.

"You mean 'You are a toy to pass the time of spoilt rich chaebols? And when you are thrown away you should just accept it?"

She really is amusing. "Hey, calm down and have some tea. It's scary when cute girls get angry." I smile and pour on the charisma. "Ga eul, you certainly are Jandi's friend."

"You may think every girl falls for your sweet talk with that cute face of yours but you have me all wrong." She retorts, calmer now. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you."

She gets up and leaves. However before she reaches the door she turns back and drinks the rest of her tea before gently slamming the cup back down on the table. "The more I think about this the more infuriating this gets. The one who started this was not Jandi but him! Jandi never hoped to climb up that tree. Understand?" She pauses again. "Umm… thank you for the tea."

And this time she really did storm out of my studio.

"Yo, Yi Jeong. What did you do this time?" I look up. Woo Bin had walked in catching Ga eul-yang's dramatic exit.

"Absolutely nothing." I reply, surprisingly telling the (partial) truth.

"When a cute girl dashes out of here in angry there could only be one reason." He retorts with a small smile.

"Whatever." I wasn't in the mood to play games. Not today. "She is definitely not my type."

"What type is that again?"

"Girls who believe in romance and happy endings." I reply automatically. I sigh exasperated. "I really don't like stupid people."

Woo Bin leaves soon, only coming to tell me about a new club. I decline his offer as I would prefer to be alone tonight. When he leaves I get out a few bottles and start drinking.

The fog came back again.

I fall asleep soon thankfully. I never remember my dreams normally (only nightmares).

But I did that night. I dreamt of romance, soul mates and of happy endings.

But not for me.

Because that's the scariest thing of all. A fact I don't admit even to myself.

When the fog comes and I stopped being 'me' the 'I' that replaced me wasn't that different.


	3. Daydreams and Running

_Hello everyone! Sorry for taking so long :( I am currently busy failing school and not getting into University so unfortunately no time to write :(_

_But thank you so much for the reviews! _

_sully673: Yeah she never struck me as depressed or weird (although I hope this chapter shows that she isn't really. She's an ex depressive who sometimes has really bad days, she is weird though but that's because I couldn't write a character who wasn't!) until I watched the J drama version (Yuuki is um... quite different) and thought she tended to get depressed more than most people... something like that. I also thought it suited her._

_pers3as and CodNameBlue: Thank you for the compliments! _

* * *

**No Regrets**

**Chapter Three – Day Dreams and Running**

_Point of View: Ga eul_

My room is small. There is a small bed with a Daisy bedcovers. I have a wardrobe filled with clothes - my one slight indulgence. I have a plain white desk which is always overflowing with drawings and romance books. But above that, taking up a large portion of my wall, by my moonflower curtains, is a map. I would stick pins where I wanted to go. I found pictures and glued them up alongside. It was an impressive work of art. You see, I've always daydreamed of travelling, of going to see the world. I and my future Prince Charming boyfriend would go on holiday to gorgeous tropical beaches and exotic locations.

I guess that's why they call it daydreaming.

It was a Friday, after the whole Minji affair. Ji Hoo sunbae had come back (far too soon) and we were getting nervous. Something seemed up.

The day had been sort of been normal - School was awful and I skipped even more classes then I normally did - except from Jandi-ah was running late for work. She still didn't have a cell phone at this point so I couldn't even find out where she was.

I saw her heading towards the Shop before she was intercepted and taken away by Junpyo sunbae.

"Ga eul… What's happening?" Our Boss asked me. I just laughed. I'm not sure any of us have a clue where this is going.

_Point of View: Yi Jeong_

I sigh.

"Is that really necessary?" I ask knowing I can't change anything. We will be going on this excursion whether we want to or not. I have to take my phone away from my ear due to the yelling, telling me just how necessary it is. I sigh again.

"I'm on my way there. Don't break your promise." I reply only to get a confused answer. Typical Junpyo, forgetting that he owes me. "You owe me that expensive pottery."

I listen and wait a second. "Yes, that one. And don't tell me to return it later."

"Okay." I hang up. "Turn the car around."

"Yes, Master." The Driver replies.

Looks like this is going to be a long weekend.

_Point of View: Ga Eul_

So I was back to daydreaming again. Did you know that the average human spends around about 50% of their time daydreaming? I must spend at least 70% of my time in my fairytale world. My Counsellor always sighs and says that's why I feel like I can't cope. She's probably right. Sometimes I just feel so out of touch and so disconnected that when I do have to visit the real world no matter how much I try to be normal I feel like I'm suffocating.

Heck, this is making me sound mental right? I'm not. Jandi says I'm not... and seeing as she's mental she should know. Mental in the best possible way of course, and no I didn't put that in just because you're reading this Jandi-ah, I love you, you're my best (and only) friend. Plus, I don't lie. Okay now I've written the word mental too much. Deep breathes Ga eul, deep breathes. Calm. Remember what you're meant to be writing about.

Anyway... Jandi-ah had just been kidnapped by Jun pyo. I was feeling miserable and wanted a boyfriend who would kidnap me. Wait... that sounds wrong doesn't it? How about 'taking me out for dates'? Better, I believe.

Suddenly I hear the door open and look up to see Sunbae standing there with a serious concerned expression on his face. He comes forward and grabs my hand before trying to drag me out of the shop.

"What are you doing? I'm not Jandi, I'm her friend, remember?"

"Ga eul hurry. We need to go now. It's urgent." He announces dramatically. He really does like to lay on the theatrics sometimes, doesn't he? But I barely knew Sunbae at this point so didn't pick this up. My mind was preoccupied with freezing in terror. You see, he still had an embarrassing 'typical teenage girl ruled by hormones who reads and watches far too many romances and doesn't deal with boys enough' effect on me which left me totally under his spell (something I'm sure he later realised). Glad to say I am absolutely over that now...

"What's going on?" I ask confused. "Did something happen to Jandi?"

He nods.

"Oh my God. Is she hurt?" I ask panicking, blurting out the first thing that came into my head. "Was it an accident?"

He stands there staring at me. I took his silence as confirmation.

"We… we have to call her Parents." I stutter and start reaching for my phone, still flipping out. He stops me.

"Already done. Look, if we don't hurry we won't be able to see them." He grabs my coat as I (still hysterical) start taking my apron off. Sunbae rolls his eyes impatiently and grabs my hand and drags the still frantic me (fortunately, my brain does start working in a few minutes) outside to the waiting car.

_Point of View: Yi Jeong_

I turned to Ga eul. I don't believe in lying when I don't need too. The fact that I always need to stops this rule being used that much or being impressive, however.

"Ga eul," I start. "Jandi wasn't in an accident."

She doesn't look at me, her attention resolutely focused outside watching the streets which are obscured by a fine layer of raindrops. It appears to have started drizzling. Everything looks very grey, dull and boring. Maybe it was a good thing we were going abroad after all.

"I know." She replies simply, still staring outside.

"You did?" I'm surprised.

"The Hospital's the other way."

_Point of View: Ga eul_

"We're here." Sunbae turns to me with a smile. I peer out the window and see we've stopped at an airport. I'm still frozen with shock when my door is opened for me. I look up and I see Sunbae smiling. He holds out his hand for me to take it. He's still smiling his charming what I now know to be fake smile.

"Thanks." I mumble. I groan. Can I get any more pathetic? "But why am I here?"

"Yo, Yi Jeong!" Woo Bin Sunbae calls from just in front of a private jet. Sunbae raises his hand in greeting.

"Hey Woo Bin, Ji Hoo. Has Junpyo and Jandi arrived yet?"

"Not yet," Woo Bin replied. He turns to me. "Oh, you brought her friend. Good idea."

I bit my lip uncertainly, still having no clue what's going on. I heared a noise from behind me.

"Ga eul!"

"Jandi-ah! What's going on?"

"We're going on a trip." Junpyo announces.

"What!" Both Jandi and I exclaim. The rest of the F4 laugh slightly.

Even when we do get on the plane Jandi is still complaining. I love Jandi-ah and all, she is the reason I'm still alive and relatively sane after all, but even I have to admit she is a nightmare at times. So ridiculously stubborn. However I realised that she did have a point, we didn't even like ¾ of the F4 so if we went with them we could quite rightly be accused of being stupid superficial girls. So we shouldn't go, right..?

"Don't worry, Korea will survive without you." Jun pyo informed us, believing we wouldn't refuse. Well, he did have a point… no! Remember we're not stupid slutty girls…

"True but our boss might not…" I murmur. I'm not superficial I repeat to myself. Superficial girls never win in films. Do I want to lose?

Jandi leaps onto this argument. "Absolutely, we can not leave." She pauses as Jandi's true love, her real soul mate appears, food. She pauses, blinks and turns to me. 'Right?'

I know she's asking me to decide, before it's too late. I know what I have to do, to say. I'm not a…

"Jandi-ah… neither of us have ever been abroad before and you know we've always wanted to… We always promised we would never be unadventurous ignorant people."

There. Epic fail.

But I don't feel too bad… Jun pyo does owe her a holiday considering her wrecked our last one and the crap she's been through recently. Besides, while we may not like ¾ of the F4, Jandi does like the remaining quarter of them.

So that's how we ended up making mine and Jandi's first trip abroad… in a private jet, to a private island. It really was very beautiful there.

_Point of View: Geum Jandi_

So there I was in my room. We'd just had a long day sightseeing and I was tired. It was now night and so I suppose it was almost time for the BBQ party. I sigh and then yell to let out my frustration.

"Stupid Junpyo. Dragging me out on this WITHOUT my consent!"

I heard some sniggering behind me. "Why would you refuse me anyway?" A loud arrogant voice behind me replies. I turn and face the bastard there. He looks at me, scanning me up and down and smirks. I glare at him. Typical pervert. But then I look down and OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING! I look like I belong in a porn film or someone's messed up sex fantasy! Am I really wearing a corset, suspender belt and stockings and pathetically flimsy minuscule knickers?

Fuck.

The first thing I think of is that I'm dressed almost as bad a Ga eul's sister. Junpyo sniggers again and he starts coming closer and closer. I take a step back.  
"Gu Junpyo if you come any closer I am gonna fucking kill you!"

"You're not gonna get very far threatening me in that outfit." He retorts, still sniggering. I look around and try to find a suitable weapon as he is getting far to close to me. My focus settles on a whip (this is getting worse and worse, I mean, why do I HAVE A WHIP IN MY ROOM!) which I grab and proceed to brandish at him.

"Get the hell away from me you asshole!" I shout at him, pretending to be much more adept with the whip than I actually am. That is, until I realise I have it the wrong way round.

Junpyo comes ever closer and grabs the whip off me and chucks it to the other side of the room. He pushes me against the wall, grabs the hand that was previously clutching the whip and pins it against the wall (I discover to my horror my other hand has been handcuffed during the struggle) and proceeds to lean in closer. I try to kick him where it hurts but can't move my legs enough to properly, especially in there present high heel stripper shoes. All seems lost until I discover I can bring my knee up and knee him where it hurts. I close my eyes just as the bastard's face is millimetres away and yell and prepare to inflict unimaginable pain on him…

Then I wake up, still screaming. I open my eyes and am almost blinded by the sunlight. Totally disoriented it takes me a minute to realise I am in fact lying on a sun lounger next to Ga eul and we are presently sunbathing. She looks up at me.

"Jandi what happened?"

"Oh my god, thank fuck that was only a nightmare." I shudder at the memory. "Ga eul, I think I must be going crazy… I was dressed in S&M clothes and Junpyo was harassing me…"

But I didn't get a chance to finish as 'speak of the devil' so they say.

"Come with me." Junpyo orders.

"Junpyo, stay away from me. I want nothing to do with you ever ever again!" But he grabs me and starts pulling me away.

"Jandi-ah!" Ga eul cries sit up and is about to try and hold me back.

"Look after her OK?" Junpyo instructs Yi Jeong sunbae who sighs and nods. Ga eul's still staring at me puzzled and confused. I shake Junpyo's hand off.

"If you do anything perverted I will murder you!" I threaten him.

"What an earth are you talking about? Are you crazy?" He laughs. I sigh and follow him. Maybe he's right.

_Point of View: Yi Jeong_

"Wow! It's so pretty here!" The cheerful immature girl exclaims happily. I groan, there was so much I could be doing instead of looking after this annoying naive girl. I roll my eyes as she tries to take pictures of the view. She turns to me. "Umm… please could you take a picture of me?"

"You're such a typical tourist." I complain to let her know how much I am suffering here. I take a picture of her posing with peace signs and return her phone. "There. Happy? Shall we go now?"

"But wait a second!"

"You've looked around. Taken photos. What more could you possible want to do?"

"But I haven't seen anything yet! You may be able to come here whenever you want but this is my one and only chance to see this island. I want to do it properly." She pauses, thinking for a moment, suddenly melancholy. "I want to go up that hill!"

And she returns to being a cheerful immature girl as she sets off up the hill, trying to run in her (moderately) high heels.

"Up there? I've been here so many times but you're the first person to go up there." She ignores me. "She is so ridiculous. Breathe Yi Jeong, be patient. Think about the pottery."

I wait frustrated for a minute or two cursing the carefree girl running up the hill. But then I hear a scream. It can only be hers. I run up the hill and try to locate where the scream had come from. I quickly reach an observation platform and realise that is where she would be. I hear a triumphant voice behind me.  
"Aren't you glad you came up here?" She smiles, completely unharmed. I'm about to say something when she cuts across. "That was your punishment. For lying."

I laugh slightly. If I'm going to be stuck with this girl I might as well see how much I can push her. "It wasn't really a total lie. Jandi and Junpyo will get hurt soon. With their personalities it is inevitable. They're both nightmares, aren't they?" I pause and then laugh. "Although I wouldn't be surprised if this weekend turns into more of a 'dream' for them…"

"No!" I turn surprised to see Ga eul staring terrified at me. I laugh at her overreaction.

"And what exactly are you thinking about?" I tease her. She starts turning red. Does Miss Innocent have a dirty mind after all? Then she laughs, still glaring at me.

"Nothing. Let's leave now. It's not fun up here any more."

_Point of View: Ga eul_

I was actually having a really good time in New Caledonia. I really had started to be more cheerful and normal. I'd felt completely unstressed and had no dark thoughts at all. Apart from being teased by Sunbae and failing miserable to tease him back the weekend was exactly what I'd needed. And it was only Friday night.

"Wow… is that really all you're going to eat?" Sunbae commented. I closed my eyes exasperated. I was going to converse with him properly. "Won't you need to keep your energy up? Plus, Junpyo doesn't like tired or anorexic girls."

"What?" I had to reply totally confused. He pretended to ponder for a moment.

"The pyjamas that I had put in your bag should work wonders."

Annoyed and still confused. Why couldn't Sunbae make sense? "Pyjamas?"

"Junpyo's totally into Jandi at the moment but it could all change by tomorrow night."

I refused to give up. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Men are at their weakest when they've been rejected. Good luck."

I did give up. "I don't have a clue what you're going on about."

He stares at me surprised. "Ga eul, don't you like Junpyo?"

"What!" I exclaimed. I pause and think about it for a second. "Right, I get it. That's so ridiculous. Sorry to confuse you but I have standards… morals, that sort of thing, you know? I should've realised a womaniser like you wouldn't understand."

"Hmm…" He pretended to think about it for a moment. "How boring. So then why were you so upset about Jandi being with Junpyo earlier?" He paused and then laughs. "Don't tell me… you like Jandi?"

I glare at him thoroughly annoyed. And then I do something stupid. "Jandi's in love with someone else!" I blurt out and instantly regret it. I can tell Sunbae didn't know this piece of information which if Junpyo sunbae knew would be the end of everything. "Anyway, you can have the Pyjama's back. I don't want them. I know! How about you give them to your girlfriend over there…" He looks at me and I can tell he sees I regret my stupidity. He smiles.

"Ga eul, thanks for the offer but she doesn't wear pyjamas. Doesn't like them." It was worth a try, I suppose. I leave before I fail in this conversation even more. I hear him sigh. "Ga eul. It was a joke. I knew you weren't in love with Junpyo."

I stop walking away. "So, no pyjamas?"

"No pyjamas. Well, normal ones only."

"Umm, thanks."

"It's OK."

Several hours later I was still beating myself up over the fact I am such an idiot. It is an indisputable fact. I'm not good or sane enough for this world. I don't deserve to have a friend as great as Jandi-ah.

But I'd messed up and when you mess up you have to go and try to fix it. I was the only one who could. I really have to laugh, I completely hated Sunbae at that point. Maybe not as much as now though, but I suppose I hate myself the most now... but that's not relevant yet.

So I took a deep breath and prepared to follow through with my (pretty lame) plan. And to explain, my plan evolved going to Sunbae's rooms. And that's where I found myself. I had to do this, for Jandi's sake. I had to have courage for once in my life.

There were lights on so I could see around me even though most of the area was now dark. I got closer and started walking down the path to the door. I was doing fine before I noticed the door was slightly ajar. I was about to knock it when I'm accidently able look though right into his room. Where he was making out with that girl from earlier. They hadn't seen me yet. So I turn and escaped and then got onto the beach. Where I ran and ran.

So Jandi dearest, that's where I was when you needed my help. When you came knocking on my door I was running away. I ran so much I started feeling faint and couldn't think of anything. I collapsed trying to catch my breath.

My Granddad always used to ask me 'when will you stop running? When will you find the place you are running too?'

I don't know. I still don't know what I'm running away from. Myself, of course, but what else? But I do know that until I get there I will keep running.

Now Jandi-ah, don't get too angry with Sunbae now. It wasn't his fault, it was down to me. Me messing up. Always down to me. You know I was bound to fall. I always do eventually. Day dreams are really so much easier than real life.

Yes Jandi, I did take my pills with me. Jandi don't hit me, I know you mean it in a loving way but it won't make me stop them. And yes, I think I did pass out due to overdosing slightly. But I'm not sure.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Now please press that little button which says review (you don't even need to be a member) and I will be the happiest person in the world even if the review is just one word (Be nice if it was two though...)_

_Have a good Christmas and winter and everything!_


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